silent screams for tonight

i cannot even explain how i feel right now. I am so frustrated readers! i am mad because i feel like something that is mine is being shared by force. there is nothing i can do for this one but i feel like something is being taken from me and this is the one time that i dont know how to respond....

the best part of 20 year old youth is the trivial problems i get to have right? im not so sure about that. how do i even respond to something that shouldnt even be happening. its like fighting against an invisible army. it'll never stop coming and from all angles. dont take from me something i have rightfully earned. something mine. something i havent even experienced yet; not completely anyway.

12-30-11

This is my thought for today:
Tell me how it is to be happy. Remind me once because my happiness must have lost its way.
with fear a shadow i too scared to be wrong to allow myself to do what may be right, instead
i curse everything given to me. push it away and let the world believe i am in a happier place.
if only you know. so once again i ask. what is it?

so controversial this thought just because of who i am. so brash and honest but i am so frustrated to even post it but then again this is supposed to be my space. i just want to know how you guys feel when you're really happy. (you guys being a lose term...i have no idea if anyone will ever actually read this) I hope i can reach you somehow.

Something from the heart

i love you, you beautiful soul
nothing in the world has come faster
and nothing in the world am i more scared to lose
clutched like an addicts' cocaine
you are mine until the overdose.
insanity lives not far from a thing called love
im sure they run on the beach together and think of ways to torture us.
just as we do the rest of the world
 with our love-ridden antics.

believe in me and that is all i need. the rest significant
benefits unnecessary but welcomed gestures
of your thoughts of me i have no word for you but the look in my eye.
i have no motion for you but that of my body and that i am too scared to give you
it is not right for you. i am not right for you and yet i stay
you deserve happiness and i am its counterpart.
the black hole taking away from the sun i am the absolute lack of everything you need
and yet im not going anywhere. so selfish i am
the joy you bring me is wrapped in gold with sashes made of sun rays.
my name enscribed on your heart shows you're true but what is my real name? is that who you know?