to be continued

here i am today readers. drunk as can be. it is my 21st, and today i am a let down.
i didnt now do what i wanted. iwill instead not be a memory, instead i will be forgotten.
today i was to post what i needed to the sheepshead review like all other students in hopes of publications, but instead in my bout of self pity, i spent my day loathing and complaining about the people that make it not worth it. i missed my dream ( and a small one at that due to the people that make my life miserable) never let that happened to you.

here i am. alone. in my room. dreaming of a life i may never have. living up to a live i've seen lived. to be not alone and drunk is fine . to be alone and drunk is a curse i find because it opens realities to flaws you never before faced. i feel gross.

i looked at myself today everytime at the bar before i left the bathroom. everytime i spent a good while in the mirror evaluating myself. i am not who i want to be. am i who i was raised to be? or instead who i choose to be by failure? that is something i will never know. today i feel the pulls of an icy cold pillar dragging me to the bottoms below, as i celebrate my life and wait for someone to make me happy. as i wait i live my life as i am told to. loud and assertive as a 21 year old is supposed to but here in my room i feel like nothing of the sorts. i recall statements i made sober and i regret them. i recall things i have said in the day and i am not happy with myself. today blog readers is a large deciding factor in many people's lives and i have made my decisions tonight. to be continued....